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WALKING-STICK DEFENCE


EO has a rear treat for you today: a recently discovered lost entry from 1917 written by my great grandfather. It's about self-defence involving canes and umbrellas. It may not be quite as relevant today, but if you want a tutorial involving self-defence with iPods or baggy pants I'm sure you'll find something if you search a bit. All original ads have been left in, but the links have been removed, seeing how these companies are long since out of business or have been taken over by EA Games.

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WALKING-STICK DEFENCE
A lost update from 1917 written by my great grandfather will teach you how to best defend yourself using only a cane. Now you're on the trolley!

FROM ETERNIA WITH DEATH!
The man of steel and the man of fur pants duke it out in this tale of two dimensions. That's Superman and He-Man, by the way. Just so we're clear.

EO READER MAIL VOL. 2
More stuff that people said. There's some interesting info here and a few patches for previous updates where my research was less than stellar.

ROBO VAMPIRE
Vampires? Check. Robots? Check. Martial arts? Check. Drug crime? Check. Gentlemen, I think we may have the most awesome movie ever on our hands.

SUPERARGO CONTRO DIABOLIKUS
Is it a speed skater? Is it the Gimp from Pulp Fiction? No, it's Superargo, Italy's last hope! I can't begin to tell you how screwed Italy are.

WHAT'S UP, HONORABLE DOC?
The US wasn't happy about the whole Pearl Harbor thing and did what they could to get back at the Japanese. Including drawing them with big teeth.

SPONSORED SPRITES
When Biker Mice From Mars came to Europe, they brought more chocolate than Willy Wonka ever dreamed about producing. Also: Japanese mayonnaise.

EO READER MAIL VOL. 1
I've opened the ole mailsack and decided to do a reader mail piece because I don't feel like doing real work.

WAIT AND SEE!
Bootleg Bugs Bunny faces challenges that would kill Jack Bauer dead in two minutes flat in the unofficial Chinese game Wait and See!.

A CHINESE TORTURE CHAMBER STORY
Asians make the best historical erotic action thriller drama comedy fantasy horror farces. Martial arts, comedy rape, history lessons and death by penis explosion.

DONALD DUCK VS THE AXIS OF EVIL
During World War II, Donald Duck served his country by killing a lot of Japanese people and paying his taxes istead of going to strip joints.

16-BIT MAN SEX
Nintendo of America have always made sure sexual elements are filtered out before a US release. In Japan, they're too busy being raped by tentacle robots.

EINSTEIN'S BRAIN
Professor Kenji Sugimoto, Einstein's number one fan, makes a pilgrimage across the United States to find his brain in this incredible documentary/road movie.

LITTLE RED HOOD
The Taiwanese company Sachen presents Little Red Hood. Will the wolf eat grandma? Will the wolf even be in the game? Click and see!

SNES ON PRESCRIPTION
Novo Nordisk give all diabetic kids their very own quasi-super hero. Also: diabetic elephants and asthmatic dinosaurs, not necessarily in that order.

THE HORROR!
Nintendo can censor all they want; Some 'inappropriate' elements will always pass through unnoticed. Some are deliberate, some a product of idiots.

WITCHCRAFT
David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair stuck in a haunted house on an island inhabited by mumbling idiots. Will David survive long enough to get laid?

FORGOTTEN HEROES
A dying line of toys always spits out a few last troopers, desperate to save the popularity of their universe. Let's visit a couple that never made a difference.

SOBER UP OR DIE!
The most effective way to make someone stop using drugs is to kill them with a rocket launcher. Learn all about the war on drugs and the origins of Wisdom Tree.

SAMURAI ZOMBIE NATION
The world's first game concerning samurais and zombies without featuring either! They said it couldn't be done, Meldac proved them wrong.

BASTARD!!
Give a million monkeys a million typewriters and infinite time, and you'll get the complete Shakespeare. Serve them piņa coladas, and you get Bastard!!

TERMINATE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
Austrian prince and secret agent Malko overthrows the San Salvador mob and gets his roof repaired by the CIA. No, that's not a metaphor. His roof needs fixing.

TRANSLATORS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS
When your job is to translate tv-shows, movies or video games, you should at least have a vague comprehension of other languages. Unfortunately, people are idiots.

CHO ANIKI - BAKURETSU RANTOU HEN
This time, you're in for a real treat. EO presents Cho Aniki - extravagant homoeroticism from NCS. Seriously. It's a very very gay game.

SPIRITUAL WARFARE
This Legend of Zelda clone from Wisdom Tree has it all: Bible quizzies, sacred explosives, fruit-based weapons, drunken heathens and airport Hare Krishnas.

SUPERMAN
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's the shittiest freaking NES title ever burned onto a game board. And what's worse, everyone's ready to git down and disco.

KNOCK-OFF AHOY!
Some games are not what they appear - sometimes the developers try to polish a turd and re-release bad games with altered graphics. Just ask Swamp Thing.

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