ROBO VAMPIRE Vampires? Check. Robots? Check. Martial arts? Check. Drug crime? Check. Gentlemen, I think we may have the most awesome movie ever on our hands.

SUPERARGO CONTRO DIABOLIKUS Is it a speed skater? Is it the Gimp from Pulp Fiction? No, it's Superargo, Italy's last hope! I can't begin to tell you how screwed Italy are.

WHAT'S UP, HONORABLE DOC? The US wasn't happy about the whole Pearl Harbor thing and did what they could to get back at the Japanese. Including drawing them with big teeth.

A CHINESE TORTURE CHAMBER STORY Asians make the best historical erotic action thriller drama comedy fantasy horror farces. Martial arts, comedy rape, history lessons and death by penis explosion.

DONALD DUCK VS THE AXIS OF EVIL During World War II, Donald Duck served his country by killing a lot of Japanese people and paying his taxes istead of going to strip joints.

EINSTEIN'S BRAIN Professor Kenji Sugimoto, Einstein's number one fan, makes a pilgrimage across the United States to find his brain in this incredible documentary/road movie.

WITCHCRAFT David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair stuck in a haunted house on an island inhabited by mumbling idiots. Will David survive long enough to get laid?

TERMINATE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE Austrian prince and secret agent Malko overthrows the San Salvador mob and gets his roof repaired by the CIA. No, that's not a metaphor. His roof needs fixing.

FUTUREKICK Don 'The Dragon' Wilson and Sean Penn's chubby brother check out the nudie bars of a post-apocalyptical Earth. And death by climbing utensils!

NOSFERATU The first Dracula film is also probably the first unlicenced motion picture in history. Read about the film Stoker's widow tried to annihilate.

LES MONDES ENGLOUTIS - REVEALED! This time, it's for real! The pilot episode from the elusive animated series is finally in my possession, and I expect to find the meaning of life in there somewhere.

CAREFUL Freudian angst and sexual confusion in the German village of Tolzbad: EO presents the Canadian arthaus film Careful.

LES MONDES ENGLOUTIS Did the French reveal the meaning of life in old cartoon? Read and do the math yourself as we remember the adventures of Spartacus and Arcana.

C3PO MEETS KERMIT THE FROG What do you get when you cross Muppet Show with Star Wars? A pick-bag of crazy, that's what you get. Includes download.

C3PO MEETS BIG BIRD The two yellowest, whiniest, most annoying creatures in the galaxy team up to make your day a living hell. Includes downloads.

BATMAN - FROM 1943 TO PRESENT DAY We have all heard of Batman the crimefighter and Batman the keeper of justice. But what about Batman the Alabama racist with a prominent beer gut?

DRINKING ANACONDA INTO BRILLIANCE What do you do when you're bored out of your own head and every channel is filled to the brim with crap? Get drunk.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE All right, all right, you've all seen it, you all know the tragedy that is Frank Langella's Skeletor. I still need to write about it.

TETSUO Crazy Japanese cyberpunk black/white film. Loved in closed circles, unknown to outsiders. Highly unpleasant.

CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL All dancing! All singing! All flesh-eating! The movie that tells the true story about what happened to Alfred Packer and his men.

THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL Filthy wookies, rebel pilots in drag, coked-up princesses... Is this the worst thing ever to be broadcasted on national television?