਀ ਀㰀琀椀琀氀攀㸀䔀渀挀礀挀氀漀瀀攀搀椀愀 伀戀猀挀甀爀愀㨀 圀愀椀琀 䄀渀搀 匀攀攀℀㰀⼀琀椀琀氀攀㸀 ਀㰀䴀䔀吀䄀 一䄀䴀䔀㴀∀氀愀渀最甀愀最攀∀ 䌀伀一吀䔀一吀㴀∀䔀渀最氀椀猀栀∀㸀 ਀㰀䴀䔀吀䄀 一䄀䴀䔀㴀∀爀漀戀漀琀猀∀ 䌀伀一吀䔀一吀㴀∀昀漀氀氀漀眀Ⰰ椀渀搀攀砀∀㸀 ਀㰀琀搀 愀氀椀最渀㴀氀攀昀琀㸀 ਀㰀昀漀渀琀 挀氀愀猀猀㴀栀攀愀搀攀爀㸀 ਀䔀一䌀夀䌀䰀伀倀䔀䐀䤀䄀 伀䈀匀䌀唀刀䄀㨀 圀䄀䤀吀 䄀一䐀 匀䔀䔀℀
਀⠀倀刀䤀一吀䔀刀 䘀刀䤀䔀一䐀䰀夀⤀ ਀㰀⼀昀漀渀琀㸀 ਀㰀昀漀渀琀 挀氀愀猀猀㴀爀攀搀㸀 ਀㰀瀀㸀 ਀㰀戀㸀䤀䘀 夀伀唀 䔀一吀䔀刀䔀䐀 吀䠀䤀匀 倀䄀䜀䔀 䘀刀伀䴀 䄀 匀䔀䄀刀䌀䠀 䔀一䜀䤀一䔀Ⰰ 倀䰀䔀䄀匀䔀 䌀䰀䤀䌀䬀 㰀愀 栀爀攀昀㴀∀最愀洀攀猀眀愀椀琀⸀栀琀洀氀∀㸀䠀䔀刀䔀㰀⼀愀㸀 吀伀 䔀堀䤀吀 倀刀䤀一吀䔀刀 䘀刀䤀䔀一䐀䰀夀 䴀伀䐀䔀⸀㰀⼀戀㸀 ਀㰀⼀昀漀渀琀㸀

਀ The other day, I read what must have been the twentieth Battletoads review I've scanned through since my maiden voyage on the Internet's banner-clad waves. And like all the other twenty reviews, this one's main focus was on the difficulty level of the beast. I remember playing this game in an electronics shop for about ten minutes when I was ten or eleven years old, and while it seemed pretty tough, I couldn't imagine it could be that hard. So I gave it a spin on the old emulator. Sweet Jesus in a monstertruck, I was wrong. I got to the level with the big glowing ball that crushes you the moment you change directions one nanosecond too early or late at any point. I remember standing up in a blaze of fury and shouting "The game cheated!" more than once in my childhood years, but back then that mostly meant Dr. Wily's life meter was replenished just when I though I had bested him or a glitch caused me to fall through a platform. Those were just twists and acceptable bugs. Not accepting human error as a part of the equation and dancing around while masturbating to one's own 8-bit superior brain? That's cheating. Don't bother sending an e-mail to inform me you finished Battletoads back in 1991, I'll just put your name on my big list of liars. Liar.਀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀㰀椀㸀∀圀攀氀氀Ⰰ 倀攀爀 䄀爀渀攀Ⰰ∀㰀⼀椀㸀 䤀 猀愀椀搀 琀漀 洀礀猀攀氀昀 㰀椀㸀∀琀栀愀琀 眀愀猀 琀栀攀 栀愀爀搀攀猀琀 最愀洀攀 礀漀甀 攀瘀攀爀 瀀氀愀礀攀搀⸀∀㰀⼀椀㸀 䄀渀搀 琀栀攀渀 䤀 爀攀洀攀洀戀攀爀攀搀 䤀 眀愀猀 眀爀漀渀最⸀ 䄀昀琀攀爀 猀攀愀爀挀栀椀渀最 琀栀爀漀甀最栀 琀栀攀 搀甀猀琀椀攀猀琀 漀昀 昀漀氀搀攀爀猀Ⰰ 䤀 爀攀搀椀猀挀漀瘀攀爀攀搀 琀栀攀 栀愀爀搀攀猀琀 最愀洀攀 䤀✀瘀攀 攀瘀攀爀 瀀氀愀礀攀搀㨀 㰀椀㸀圀愀椀琀 䄀渀搀 匀攀攀℀㰀⼀椀㸀 圀栀椀挀栀 椀猀 愀 氀椀攀Ⰰ 猀椀渀挀攀 䤀 愀昀琀攀爀 愀氀氀 搀椀搀 昀椀渀椀猀栀 琀栀椀猀 最愀洀攀Ⰰ 眀栀椀挀栀 椀猀 洀漀爀攀 琀栀愀渀 䤀 挀愀渀 猀愀礀 愀戀漀甀琀 洀礀 䈀愀琀琀氀攀琀漀愀搀猀 戀漀甀琀⸀ 䄀渀搀 攀瘀攀渀 䈀愀琀琀氀攀琀漀愀搀猀 挀愀渀✀琀 挀漀洀瀀琀攀琀攀 眀椀琀栀 䤀欀愀爀椀 圀愀爀爀椀漀爀猀 䤀䤀Ⰰ  琀栀攀 栀愀爀搀攀猀琀 琀栀椀渀最 猀椀渀挀攀 琀栀攀 甀渀椀瘀攀爀猀攀 椀渀瘀攀渀琀攀搀 戀氀愀挀欀 栀漀氀攀 猀椀渀最甀氀愀爀椀琀椀攀猀⸀ 吀栀椀猀 最愀洀攀 洀愀搀攀 洀攀 琀攀氀氀 愀 猀挀椀攀渀挀攀 樀漀欀攀Ⰰ 䤀 栀漀瀀攀 礀漀甀✀爀攀 栀愀瀀瀀礀⸀ ਀㰀⼀瀀㸀

਀㰀椀洀最 猀爀挀㴀∀最瀀栀挀猀⼀最愀洀攀猀眀愀椀琀⼀琀椀琀氀攀⸀最椀昀∀ 愀氀椀最渀㴀挀攀渀琀攀爀㸀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀䄀渀礀眀愀礀Ⰰ 眀栀椀氀攀 圀愀椀琀 䄀渀搀 匀攀攀℀ 洀愀礀戀攀 椀猀渀✀琀 琀栀攀 栀愀爀搀攀猀琀 最愀洀攀 攀瘀攀爀Ⰰ 椀琀✀猀 甀瀀 琀栀攀爀攀⸀ 䄀挀琀甀愀氀氀礀Ⰰ ✀栀愀爀搀✀ 椀猀渀✀琀 琀栀攀 眀漀爀搀 䤀✀洀 氀漀漀欀椀渀最 昀漀爀⸀ 吀栀攀爀攀✀猀 愀 昀椀渀攀 氀椀渀攀 戀攀琀眀攀攀渀 ✀栀愀爀搀✀ 愀渀搀 ✀昀爀甀猀琀爀愀琀椀渀最 愀渀搀 猀琀甀瀀椀搀✀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 琀栀椀猀 漀渀攀 稀漀漀洀攀搀 猀琀爀愀椀最栀琀 瀀愀猀琀 琀栀攀 ✀栀愀爀搀✀ 洀愀爀欀 愀渀搀 渀攀瘀攀爀 氀漀漀欀攀搀 戀愀挀欀⸀ 䄀猀 洀甀挀栀 愀猀 䤀 眀漀甀氀搀 氀椀欀攀 琀漀 琀栀椀渀欀 琀栀攀爀攀 眀攀爀攀渀✀琀 愀渀礀 最愀洀攀 琀攀猀琀攀爀猀 椀渀瘀漀氀瘀攀搀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 䈀愀琀琀氀攀琀漀愀搀猀 眀愀猀 爀攀氀攀愀猀攀搀Ⰰ 䤀✀洀 猀甀爀攀 琀栀攀爀攀 眀攀爀攀⸀ 圀栀攀渀 椀琀 挀漀洀攀猀 琀漀 圀愀椀琀 䄀渀搀 匀攀攀℀Ⰰ 䤀 昀攀攀氀 䤀 挀愀渀 猀愀礀 眀椀琀栀 最爀攀愀琀 挀攀爀琀愀椀渀琀礀 琀栀愀琀 琀栀攀爀攀 眀攀爀攀渀✀琀⸀ 䨀甀猀琀 氀椀欀攀 㰀愀 栀爀攀昀㴀∀最愀洀攀猀爀攀搀栀漀漀搀⸀栀琀洀氀∀㸀䰀椀琀琀氀攀 刀攀搀 䠀漀漀搀㰀⼀愀㸀Ⰰ 琀栀椀猀 椀猀 愀渀 甀渀氀椀挀攀猀攀渀猀攀搀 琀椀琀氀攀 昀爀漀洀 䄀猀椀愀⸀ 䌀栀椀渀愀Ⰰ 愀挀挀漀爀搀椀渀最 琀漀 㰀愀 栀爀攀昀㴀∀栀琀琀瀀㨀⼀⼀眀眀眀⸀琀栀攀爀攀搀攀礀攀⸀渀攀琀⼀㈀  ㄀㄀㄀㈀㜀⼀∀ 琀愀爀最攀琀㴀∀开戀氀愀渀欀∀㸀吀栀攀刀攀搀䔀礀攀⸀渀攀琀㰀⼀愀㸀⸀ 儀甀愀氀椀琀礀 琀攀猀琀椀渀最 椀猀渀✀琀 挀漀渀猀椀搀攀爀攀搀 琀漀瀀 瀀爀椀漀爀椀琀礀 眀栀攀渀 愀氀氀 礀漀甀 渀攀攀搀 椀猀 猀漀洀攀琀栀椀渀最 琀栀愀琀 眀椀氀氀 爀甀渀 昀漀爀 昀椀瘀攀 洀椀渀甀琀攀猀 眀椀琀栀漀甀琀 挀爀愀猀栀椀渀最 愀渀搀 愀 氀愀戀攀氀 琀栀愀琀 挀愀渀 琀爀椀挀欀 瀀攀漀瀀氀攀 椀渀琀漀 琀栀椀渀欀椀渀最 琀栀攀礀✀爀攀 戀甀礀椀渀最 愀 氀椀挀攀渀猀攀搀 圀愀爀渀攀爀 䈀爀漀猀 最愀洀攀⸀ ਀㰀⼀瀀㸀

਀ By the way, you can stop trying to figure out what "HY, ΠOTOAИ!" is supposed to mean. If you haven't made sense of it yet you never will. I sure haven't. I hear the cartridge this dump is from was found in Russia, which could explain some of the characters.਀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀㰀椀洀最 猀爀挀㴀∀最瀀栀挀猀⼀最愀洀攀猀眀愀椀琀⼀椀渀琀爀漀⸀最椀昀∀ 愀氀椀最渀㴀爀椀最栀琀 猀琀礀氀攀㴀∀洀愀爀最椀渀ⴀ氀攀昀琀㨀 ㄀ 㬀 洀愀爀最椀渀ⴀ戀漀琀琀漀洀㨀 㔀∀㸀 ਀吀栀攀 瀀氀漀琀 椀猀 愀猀 昀漀氀氀漀眀猀㨀 琀栀攀爀攀 椀猀 愀渀 椀渀琀爀漀 眀栀攀爀攀 愀 眀漀氀昀 椀猀 挀栀愀猀椀渀最 礀漀甀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 琀栀攀渀 琀栀攀 最愀洀攀 戀攀最椀渀猀 愀渀搀 栀攀 椀猀渀✀琀 琀栀攀爀攀 愀渀礀洀漀爀攀⸀ 匀琀椀氀氀Ⰰ 礀漀甀 栀愀瘀攀 琀漀 洀愀欀攀 礀漀甀爀 眀愀礀 琀栀爀漀甀最栀 愀氀氀 琀栀攀 氀攀瘀攀氀猀 昀漀爀 渀漀 爀攀愀猀漀渀 愀琀 愀氀氀⸀ 夀漀甀✀搀 琀栀椀渀欀 琀栀攀爀攀 眀漀甀氀搀 戀攀 猀漀洀攀 䴀攀爀爀椀攀 䴀攀氀漀搀礀 栀椀樀椀渀欀猀 椀渀 琀栀椀猀 最愀洀攀 猀椀渀挀攀 瀀猀攀甀搀漀ⴀ䈀甀最猀 椀猀 琀栀攀 洀愀椀渀 挀栀愀爀愀挀琀攀爀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 琀栀攀爀攀 愀爀攀渀✀琀 愀渀礀 猀愀瘀攀 琀栀攀 挀礀挀氀漀渀攀 愀琀琀愀挀欀 礀漀甀 挀愀渀 瀀攀爀昀漀爀洀⸀ 一漀 琀攀渀ⴀ琀漀渀 眀攀椀最栀琀猀Ⰰ 渀漀 䔀氀洀攀爀 䘀甀搀搀猀Ⰰ 渀漀 昀愀氀氀椀渀最 愀渀瘀椀氀猀⸀ 䨀甀猀琀 最攀渀攀爀椀挀 瀀氀愀琀昀漀爀洀 挀漀渀瘀攀渀琀椀漀渀猀 愀猀 昀愀爀 愀猀 琀栀攀 攀礀攀 挀愀渀 猀攀攀Ⰰ 愀氀氀 漀昀 眀栀椀挀栀 愀爀攀 瀀漀漀爀氀礀 攀砀攀挀甀琀攀搀⸀  ਀㰀⼀瀀㸀

਀ There is a limit to how many flaws you can point out and make fun of when you're covering an unlicensed game. Yeah, the layout plans seem to have been delivered from the designer to the developer by a chain of retired people who whispered it to the guy next to them until it came out in the other end sounding like something close to 'Bug honey running prunes have your kids visited you lately'. Yeah, the graphics look like they were done on a solar cell calculator during an eclipse. Yeah, the music sounds like a couple of gnats digging through your tympanic membranes and straight into your brain to trigger your centers for Billy Ray Cyrus recognition and childhood trauma bottling at the same time. Yeah, the sound effects something about nausea and self-mutilation and retard monkeys and ending with a cartridge being shot into the center of the sun. I could do a hundred generic half-assed run-on sentences to describe every detail about this game, but the truth is that a) generic run-on sentences about sound effects resulting in self-mutilation and something being shot into the center of the sun get old really fast and b) all these elements are a given when you play a Chinese unlicensed game that might be Russian. You knew the graphics would be shit when you clicked the link that took you here, and there isn't much point in dwelling on it.਀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀㰀椀洀最 猀爀挀㴀∀最瀀栀挀猀⼀最愀洀攀猀眀愀椀琀⼀猀欀愀琀攀⸀最椀昀∀ 愀氀椀最渀㴀爀椀最栀琀 猀琀礀氀攀㴀∀洀愀爀最椀渀ⴀ氀攀昀琀㨀 ㄀ 㬀 洀愀爀最椀渀ⴀ戀漀琀琀漀洀㨀 㔀∀㸀 ਀吀栀攀爀攀 愀爀攀 栀漀眀攀瘀攀爀 愀 挀漀甀瀀氀攀 漀昀 琀栀椀渀最猀 眀漀爀琀栀 瀀漀椀渀琀椀渀最 漀甀琀⸀ 伀渀攀 椀猀 琀栀攀 挀愀爀爀漀琀 猀礀猀琀攀洀⸀ 吀栀攀 挀漀椀渀 猀甀戀猀琀椀琀甀琀攀 椀渀 琀栀椀猀 最愀洀攀 椀猀Ⰰ 渀漀琀 猀甀爀瀀爀椀猀椀渀最氀礀Ⰰ 挀愀爀爀漀琀猀⸀ 吀漀 最愀椀渀 愀渀 攀砀琀爀愀 氀椀昀攀Ⰰ 瀀椀挀欀 琀眀攀渀琀礀ⴀ昀椀瘀攀 漀昀 琀栀攀猀攀⸀ 圀栀愀琀✀猀 昀爀甀猀琀爀愀琀椀渀最 椀猀 琀栀愀琀 琀栀攀 挀愀爀爀漀琀 挀漀甀渀琀 椀猀 爀攀猀攀琀 眀栀攀渀攀瘀攀爀 礀漀甀 搀椀攀⸀ 吀栀椀猀 椀猀 愀 瀀爀漀戀氀攀洀 猀椀渀挀攀 礀漀甀 漀渀氀礀 栀愀瘀攀 琀栀爀攀攀 氀椀瘀攀猀 愀渀搀 渀漀 挀漀渀琀椀渀甀攀猀⸀ 䤀渀 昀愀挀琀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 最愀洀攀 眀漀甀氀搀 戀攀 搀愀洀渀 渀攀愀爀 椀洀瀀漀猀猀椀戀氀攀 椀昀 瀀氀愀礀攀搀 漀渀 愀 挀漀渀猀漀氀攀⸀ 䄀渀漀琀栀攀爀 瀀爀漀戀氀攀洀 眀椀琀栀 琀栀攀 挀愀爀爀漀琀 挀漀甀渀琀攀爀 椀猀 琀栀愀琀 椀琀✀猀 愀 琀漀愀搀猀琀漀漀氀 挀漀甀渀琀攀爀⸀ 䘀漀爀 猀漀洀攀 爀攀愀猀漀渀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 挀愀爀爀漀琀猀 琀甀爀渀 椀渀琀漀 琀漀愀搀猀琀漀漀氀猀 漀渀挀攀 礀漀甀 瀀椀挀欀 琀栀攀洀 甀瀀⸀ 吀栀椀猀 漀戀瘀椀漀甀猀氀礀 搀漀攀猀渀✀琀 愀昀昀攀挀琀 琀栀攀 最愀洀攀瀀氀愀礀 椀渀 愀渀礀 眀愀礀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 椀琀 猀栀漀眀猀 樀甀猀琀 栀漀眀 氀漀渀最 琀栀攀 瀀爀漀最爀愀洀洀攀爀 眀愀猀 眀椀氀氀椀渀最 琀漀 最漀 琀漀 搀攀氀椀瘀攀爀 甀渀琀漀 琀栀攀 眀漀爀氀搀 愀 栀椀最栀ⴀ焀甀愀氀椀琀礀 瀀爀漀搀甀挀琀⸀ ਀㰀⼀瀀㸀

਀ On the first level, you'll find a skateboard. This helps you in no way whatsoever. Well, it lets you move faster, but you don't really want that. Unlike in Adventure Island, there is no ticking death clock over your head, and you can take all the time you want getting through the level. In fact, using the skateboard means you'll probably lose control and fall down a hole and die. But wait! You can only take three hits before you die in this game, and when you take into consideration that you get hit about once every twenty seconds and, like I said earlier, only have three lives and no continues, every little safety measure is crucial to your survival. Even when you're playing on an emulator. And since the skateboard can cushion one hit, it actually is necessary to use it to avoid losing all your lives in the first level. And speaking of shoddy controls:਀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀㰀椀洀最 猀爀挀㴀∀最瀀栀挀猀⼀最愀洀攀猀眀愀椀琀⼀昀愀氀氀⸀最椀昀∀ 愀氀椀最渀㴀爀椀最栀琀 猀琀礀氀攀㴀∀洀愀爀最椀渀ⴀ氀攀昀琀㨀 ㄀ 㬀 洀愀爀最椀渀ⴀ戀漀琀琀漀洀㨀 㔀∀㸀 ਀伀渀攀 漀昀 琀栀攀 昀椀爀猀琀 琀栀椀渀最猀 䤀 渀漀琀椀挀攀搀 眀栀攀渀 琀爀礀椀渀最 漀甀琀 琀栀攀 挀漀渀琀爀漀氀猀 眀愀猀 琀栀愀琀 琀栀攀爀攀 眀攀爀攀 愀 挀漀甀瀀氀攀 漀昀 戀甀最猀 椀渀 琀栀攀 挀漀搀攀⸀ 匀漀洀攀Ⰰ 氀椀欀攀 琀栀攀 昀愀挀琀 琀栀愀琀 礀漀甀✀氀氀 昀愀氀氀 琀栀爀漀甀最栀 瀀氀愀琀昀漀爀洀猀 㔀 ─ 漀昀 琀栀攀 琀椀洀攀Ⰰ 愀爀攀 洀愀氀攀瘀漀氀攀渀琀⸀ 伀琀栀攀爀猀 愀爀攀 戀攀渀攀瘀漀氀攀渀琀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 漀渀氀礀 甀瀀 甀渀琀椀氀 琀栀攀 瀀漀椀渀琀 眀栀攀爀攀 琀栀攀 瀀爀漀最爀愀洀洀攀爀 搀椀猀挀漀瘀攀爀攀搀 琀栀攀洀⸀ 䤀昀 礀漀甀 昀漀爀 攀砀愀洀瀀氀攀 爀甀渀 漀昀昀 愀 挀氀椀昀昀Ⰰ 礀漀甀 猀琀椀氀氀 挀愀渀 樀甀洀瀀 眀栀椀氀攀 椀渀 洀椀搀ⴀ愀椀爀⸀ 䄀氀猀漀Ⰰ 椀昀 礀漀甀 樀甀洀瀀 猀琀爀愀椀最栀琀 甀瀀 礀漀甀 挀愀渀 爀攀氀攀愀猀攀 愀氀氀 戀甀琀琀漀渀猀 愀渀搀 琀栀攀渀 瀀爀攀猀猀 氀攀昀琀 漀爀 爀椀最栀琀 愀渀搀 樀甀洀瀀 琀漀 琀愀欀攀 愀渀漀琀栀攀爀 氀攀愀瀀⸀ 匀愀洀攀 琀栀椀渀最 栀愀瀀瀀攀渀猀 椀昀 礀漀甀 樀甀洀瀀 琀漀 漀渀攀 猀椀搀攀 愀渀搀 琀栀攀渀 爀攀愀氀攀愀猀攀 愀氀氀 戀甀琀琀漀渀猀 愀渀搀 樀甀洀瀀 猀琀爀愀椀最栀琀 甀瀀⸀ 䤀 琀栀漀甀最栀琀 琀栀椀猀 眀漀甀氀搀 最椀瘀攀 洀攀 愀渀 愀搀瘀愀渀琀愀最攀 漀渀 琀栀攀 挀愀爀爀漀琀ⴀ猀琀爀攀眀渀 戀愀琀琀氀攀昀椀攀氀搀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 䤀 眀愀猀 漀昀 挀漀甀爀猀攀 眀爀漀渀最⸀ 刀愀琀栀攀爀 琀栀愀渀 昀椀砀椀渀最 琀栀攀猀攀 戀甀最猀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 挀爀攀愀琀漀爀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 䤀 爀攀昀甀猀攀 琀漀 戀攀氀椀攀瘀攀 琀栀攀爀攀 眀愀猀 洀漀爀攀 琀栀愀渀 漀渀攀 瀀攀爀猀漀渀 椀渀瘀漀氀瘀攀搀 椀渀 洀愀欀椀渀最 琀栀椀猀 最愀洀攀Ⰰ 搀攀挀椀搀攀搀 琀漀 搀攀猀椀最渀 琀栀攀 眀栀漀氀攀 琀栀椀渀最 㰀椀㸀愀爀漀甀渀搀㰀⼀椀㸀 琀栀攀 攀爀爀漀爀猀 猀琀愀爀琀椀渀最 眀椀琀栀 琀栀攀 猀攀挀漀渀搀 氀攀瘀攀氀Ⰰ 眀栀椀挀栀 椀猀 眀栀攀爀攀 䤀 猀甀猀瀀攀挀琀 栀攀 搀椀猀挀漀瘀攀爀攀搀 琀栀攀 戀甀最猀⸀ 䤀琀✀猀 最攀琀琀椀渀最 栀愀爀搀 琀漀 爀攀猀椀猀琀 搀漀椀渀最 愀 ✀䈀甀最猀⼀戀甀最猀✀ 瀀甀渀Ⰰ 氀甀挀欀椀氀礀 䤀✀洀 琀漀漀 琀椀爀攀搀 琀漀 挀漀洀攀 甀瀀 眀椀琀栀 漀渀攀⸀ 䤀渀猀琀攀愀搀Ⰰ 栀攀爀攀✀猀 栀漀眀 琀漀 最攀琀 愀挀爀漀猀猀 琀栀攀 最愀瀀猀 琀栀愀琀 挀漀洀瀀氀攀琀攀氀礀 搀漀洀椀渀愀琀攀 琀栀攀 氀愀渀搀猀挀愀瀀攀 昀爀漀洀 氀攀瘀攀氀 琀眀漀 漀渀 愀渀搀 甀渀琀椀氀 琀栀攀 瘀攀爀礀 攀渀搀 漀昀 琀栀攀 最愀洀攀㨀 ਀㰀⼀瀀㸀

਀㰀椀洀最 猀爀挀㴀∀最瀀栀挀猀⼀最愀洀攀猀眀愀椀琀⼀樀甀洀瀀⸀最椀昀∀ 愀氀椀最渀㴀挀攀渀琀攀爀㸀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀吀漀 最攀琀 昀爀漀洀 琀栀攀 挀爀漀挀漀搀椀氀攀 琀漀 琀栀攀 瀀氀愀琀昀漀爀洀Ⰰ 昀漀氀氀漀眀 洀礀 椀渀猀琀爀甀挀琀椀漀渀猀㨀 眀栀攀渀 琀栀攀 挀爀漀挀漀搀椀氀攀 栀愀猀 洀漀瘀攀搀 愀猀 昀愀爀 琀漀 琀栀攀 爀椀最栀琀 愀猀 椀琀 挀愀渀 ⠀㄀⤀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 䤀✀洀 琀愀氀欀椀渀最 渀漀琀 漀渀攀 瀀椀砀攀氀 琀漀漀 猀漀漀渀 栀攀爀攀Ⰰ 爀甀渀 愀渀搀 昀愀氀氀 搀漀眀渀眀愀爀搀猀 愀渀搀 琀漀 琀栀攀 爀椀最栀琀 甀渀琀椀氀 礀漀甀 爀攀愀挀栀 瀀漀椀渀琀 ⠀㈀⤀⸀ 䠀攀爀攀Ⰰ 礀漀甀 栀愀瘀攀 琀漀 樀甀洀瀀 琀漀 琀栀攀 爀椀最栀琀Ⰰ 爀攀氀攀愀猀攀 愀氀氀 戀甀琀琀漀渀猀 愀琀 瀀漀椀渀琀 ⠀㌀⤀Ⰰ 眀愀椀琀 漀渀攀 昀椀昀琀栀 漀昀 愀 猀攀挀漀渀搀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 琀栀攀渀 樀甀洀瀀 猀琀爀愀椀最栀琀 甀瀀⸀ 吀栀攀渀 礀漀甀 瀀甀猀栀 琀栀攀 䈀 戀甀琀琀漀渀 琀漀 瀀攀爀昀漀爀洀 礀漀甀爀 挀礀挀氀漀渀攀 愀琀琀愀挀欀 愀琀 瀀漀椀渀琀 ⠀㐀⤀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 礀漀甀✀氀氀 氀愀渀搀 漀渀 琀栀攀 瀀氀愀琀昀漀爀洀 愀琀 瀀漀椀渀琀 ⠀㔀⤀Ⰰ 瀀攀爀栀愀瀀猀 眀椀琀栀 愀 挀漀甀瀀氀攀 漀昀 瀀椀砀攀氀猀 琀漀 猀瀀愀爀攀⸀ 䤀 氀漀猀琀 挀漀甀渀琀 愀爀漀甀渀搀 琀栀攀 昀椀昀琀椀攀琀栀 焀甀椀挀欀氀漀愀搀 眀栀攀渀 䤀 搀椀搀 琀栀椀猀Ⰰ 猀漀 䤀✀洀 渀漀琀 猀甀爀攀 栀漀眀 洀愀渀礀 琀椀洀攀猀 䤀 愀琀琀攀洀瀀琀攀搀 琀栀椀猀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 䤀 昀椀渀愀氀氀礀 洀愀搀攀 椀琀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 䤀 挀愀渀 愀猀猀甀爀攀 礀漀甀 椀琀 眀愀猀 洀漀爀攀 琀栀愀渀 昀椀昀琀礀⸀ 䄀渀礀眀愀礀Ⰰ 搀漀 琀栀攀 猀愀洀攀 瀀爀漀挀攀搀甀爀攀 琀漀 最攀琀 漀瘀攀爀 琀漀 琀栀攀 栀椀瀀瀀漀 ⠀樀甀猀琀 爀攀洀攀洀戀攀爀 琀栀愀琀 渀椀渀攀 琀椀洀攀猀 漀甀琀 漀昀 琀攀渀 礀漀甀✀氀氀 昀愀氀氀 猀琀爀愀椀最栀琀 琀栀爀漀甀最栀 椀琀⤀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 琀栀攀渀 搀漀 椀琀 琀栀椀爀琀礀 洀漀爀攀 琀椀洀攀猀 琀漀 昀椀渀椀猀栀 琀栀攀 氀攀瘀攀氀Ⰰ 漀渀氀礀 琀栀椀猀 琀椀洀攀 漀渀 氀漀最猀 琀栀愀琀 昀愀氀氀 搀漀眀渀 琀栀攀 爀愀瀀椀搀猀⸀ 唀猀攀 琀栀攀 猀愀洀攀 昀椀瘀攀ⴀ瀀漀椀渀琀 洀愀渀攀甀瘀攀爀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 琀愀欀攀 椀渀琀漀 挀漀渀猀椀搀攀爀愀琀椀漀渀 琀栀愀琀 琀栀攀 氀漀最猀 愀爀攀 愀琀 搀椀昀昀攀爀攀渀琀 氀攀瘀攀氀猀 愀渀搀 礀漀甀 挀愀渀✀琀 愀挀琀甀愀氀氀礀 猀攀攀 眀栀攀爀攀 琀栀攀 渀攀砀琀 氀漀最 椀猀 甀渀琀椀氀 礀漀甀✀爀攀 椀渀 洀椀搀ⴀ愀椀爀⸀ 䐀漀渀✀琀 眀漀爀爀礀 愀戀漀甀琀 琀栀攀 攀渀攀洀椀攀猀 琀栀愀琀 愀眀愀椀琀 眀栀攀渀 礀漀甀 洀愀欀攀 椀琀 琀漀 猀漀氀椀搀 最爀漀甀渀搀Ⰰ 琀栀攀爀攀 椀猀 渀漀 眀愀礀 琀漀 愀瘀漀椀搀 琀栀攀椀爀 猀瀀攀愀爀猀 愀渀礀眀愀礀 猀椀渀挀攀 礀漀甀 挀愀渀✀琀 猀攀攀 琀栀攀洀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 琀栀攀礀 栀椀琀 礀漀甀⸀ 䈀甀琀 搀漀渀✀琀 最攀琀 猀漀 挀愀甀最栀琀 甀瀀 椀渀 琀栀攀 琀攀挀栀渀椀挀愀氀椀琀椀攀猀 琀栀愀琀 礀漀甀 昀漀爀最攀琀 琀漀 䠀䄀嘀䔀 䘀唀一℀ ਀㰀⼀瀀㸀

਀ I'm sure there are more bugs in the controls, and I won't rule out the possibility that there are some more far-fetched sequences you can punch in to make things easier, but I have been experimenting for far longer than I can justify already. In fact, I'm ready to cap this off and never think about this game ever again. If you feel like I'm jumping from the train halfway to the station, I can assure you I'm not. This is all there is to say about this game. Bosses, you ask? No bosses in this game. Just run along and do impossible jump after damn impossible jump, sometimes in a little train or on jetski, until you reach the end and run off the screen and are rewarded with a picture of the rabbit in a spotlight against an impressively detailed backdrop. The wolf? Never seen again, except when you die and he comes along to eat your carcass. That's right, you have to cross the most hostile enviroment on earth, which probably will kill you, to avoid a guy who's not showing up until you're dead and probably would have left you alone if you just stayed put and alive. GREAT PLAN.਀

਀㰀瀀 愀氀椀最渀㴀樀甀猀琀椀昀礀㸀 ਀伀栀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 最甀攀猀猀 眀栀愀琀㼀 一漀眀 琀栀愀琀 䤀 戀爀漀眀猀攀搀 愀爀漀甀渀搀 昀漀爀 愀 稀椀瀀 昀椀氀攀 昀漀爀 礀漀甀 琀漀 搀漀眀渀氀漀愀搀Ⰰ 䤀 昀漀甀渀搀 愀 一䔀匀琀攀渀 挀栀攀愀琀 昀椀氀攀 椀渀挀氀甀搀攀搀 眀椀琀栀 琀栀攀 刀伀䴀⸀ 䤀昀 䤀 栀愀搀 漀渀氀礀 欀渀漀眀渀 愀戀漀甀琀 琀栀愀琀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 䤀 猀琀愀爀琀攀搀 瀀氀愀礀椀渀最 椀琀 洀礀 氀椀昀攀 眀漀甀氀搀 瀀爀漀戀愀戀氀礀 琀甀爀渀 漀甀琀 焀甀椀琀攀 搀椀昀昀攀爀攀渀琀氀礀⸀ 䠀愀瘀攀 昀甀渀℀ ਀㰀瀀㸀 ਀倀爀椀渀琀攀搀 昀爀漀洀 栀琀琀瀀㨀⼀⼀眀眀眀⸀攀渀挀礀挀氀漀瀀攀搀椀愀ⴀ漀戀猀挀甀爀愀⸀挀漀洀 ਀㰀瀀㸀 ਀䌀漀瀀礀爀椀最栀琀 倀攀爀 䄀爀渀攀 匀愀渀搀瘀椀欀 ਀㰀⼀琀搀㸀 ਀㰀⼀琀愀戀氀攀㸀 ਀㰀⼀戀漀搀礀㸀