Of course, Moses comes with Ocean-parting-action

The company Train Up a Child (trust me, it's their name) gives us these action figures from both the old and the new testament. And technically, they are action figures, because they all have movable joints, albeit only the shoulders and elbows.

The question is, as always, who would possibly want to play with these? Like with the Jesus action figure, there are no bad guys (except Goliath, and nine against one wouldn't make a fair fight, would it?), and no bad guys means no action. I can understand why they didn't manufacture a Satan figure, but they could at least have put Pharaoh in their collection, or maybe even Pilate. Of course, one could always play 'Part the sea and flood the Egyptians' with Playmo-men, but it's just not the same.

"I hear you girls needed help with your aqueduct..?"
But fear not! With some imagination, you will still be able to have lots of fun with these figures. For example, Job is so covered with boils and sores that he can easily pass for a zombie. Can you name any other set of action figures that has a zombie? He-Man? Nope. Ninja Turtles? Don't think so. This means you can pretend God's most faithful servant is an undead menace sent by Mumm-Ra, pestering the Cat Lair!

And since these figures come with both dark and light skin, you can use Black Goliath to play 'Interracial porn flick set to Julius Caesar's time' with your sister's Barbies!

Job and Goliath are two of the few toys in this line that are able to bend their knees, but since they are stuck to a disc of mud, this apparently only allows them to lean their thighs and torso backwards, checking if it looks like rain.

No, it's not Lando Calrissian, it's Black David.

- Train Up a Child
- The Jesus Christ Superstore
- Black Jesus Action Figure, Upside Your Head, Fool!